#IM BEING SO NORMAL IM BEING SO AVERAGE
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10 years of clef name-dropping kondraki and specifically stating the exact sentence "It made me fight Kondraki" in her fucking SUICIDE NOTE. TEN FFFFFFFUCKING GOD FORSAKEN YEARS GOTT IM HIMMEL . VERDAMMT. VERDAMMT ALLES ZUR HĆLLE VERDAMMT ALLES ZUM KĆNIGREICH KOMMT VERDAMMT
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āhow did i get here? i had everything in order. my whole life was in perfect orderā really was crazy considering that was .. simply not true but. if i said that āin perfect orderā means something very specific to lawrence
if i said that, for lawrence, order is being able to maintain the facade of being the perfect family man, the doctor with certificates on his office wall and a wedding band on his finger, the guy who also attempts to pursue an affair with another woman because heās desperately trying to convince himself of .. something
creating this narrative around himself and making sure everything he thinks he is or wants to be is maintained in little boxes, meticulously organised to the point that itās falling apart in front of his eyes and itās still āin perfect orderā, itās still preferable to the alternative .. having to face himself. and then ! well then he wakes up locked in a room with his choices that led to this point laid bare
chained up with no way out as heās suddenly forced to confront it all, a front row seat as the careful persona heās built crumbles before his eyes when the man opposite him pulls out a bunch of photos. lawrence, whoās so careful to only be perceived in a very specific way, who presents himself as this guy heās created, is suddenly faced with someone he canāt hide from, someone whoās seen at least partly beneath the exterior and developed it in black and white. lawrence, who claims that heās never in photos, suddenly being faced with this reality of himself being captured in the flash of adamās camera
#im perfectly average about lawrence my feelings are extremely normal now who wants the ten page essay#i could talk about gay lawrence forever he compels me so much#saw bathroom closet metaphor still goes crazy#if i said gay lawrence but i also said autistic lawrence then. what#masking nd being the person he thinks is ācorrectā while also repressing his sexuality what Then#everything else aside because. autistic lawrence is insanely real to me#lawrence gordon#saw 2004#š¹#woke up at 5am delirious nd in a cold sweat typed this out & then passed out again#what lawrence will do to a guy
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you ever think too hard about how tristamp Vash consistently called Knives "Kni/Nai" like even until the very end
"Who are you?" hits uhmmmmm way harder
#tristamp#trigun stampede#vash the stampede#millions knives#im so normal about sibling relationships. SOOOO normal. absolutely average actually#also. the whole 'love for a younger brother' segment made me so nauseous its not even funny but thats a later thing to discuss#I HAVE A COMPLEX ABOUT BEING AN OLDER SISTER RAHHHHHHH
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i have an entire tor and gor swapping places au in my head but i cant draw
#Im going coo coo over it#Theres just so much like how gorebek would probably be down for the experiments to be strong for dukeage or whatever and then get sent to#Hunt the main crew then the drugs just make him a big scared idiot instead of a badass like he probably wanted lol and then they just have#This super strong angry freak and an alter that gets very sad and scared on witchlight that they just let hang out probably for insider#Info and how strong they are and obviously#I think about the scorched fur i think it would be very crazay especially with a guy that presumably only knows how to be a weapon#Trying to navigate anything emotional wise#Also being fucked up over everything else thats happened to him#Feeling normal and average#I have more to say i said gor only knowing how to be a weapon my brain is filled with torbeks learning he IS a weapon and learning about#Gorbek vs gorbek in swap knowing he is a weapon but barley able to understand his use since tor fronts and being conflicted for the opposit#Reasons torbek never wanting to be used that way and gorebek thinking thats his job ough oiu euthanize me#txt
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i am very grateful that im not someone that has to deal with daily seizures but it is evil when it takes like a week and a half's worth of business days to recover from a seizure
#if i had them everyday or every other day i would be so fucked š#id like to say they dont bother me per se but the entire week after is laying in bed after 11 pm and wondering if jts going to happen again#bc my head feels like its about to explode#and then do not get me started on the fear of getting in the shower within the first few days of one happening .#reasonably i understand that my seizures happen from 11pm to maybe 3 am on average .#but ill have a seizure and then have to hype myself up for like 2 hours just to take one 3 days later st like 2 pm#my seizures do not interfere with my day to day life in extreme ways but existing knowing that i have them during a certain time frame is#like. Hey man can you grow up#also it is really funny being told theyre probably hormonal or stress related and should 'probably stop' as i get into my mid 20s .#Well im turning 25 next month and evidently i still have seizure activity in me#also also heres a fun fact: my epilepsy does not have an actual named diagnosis they just said i certainly have a Form of it ā¤ļø#they dont know what causes them and i have no real warning signs (bc a headache =/= potential seizure)#they dont bother me but i do have to live with the knowledge that i could have one any day now and wake up to my mom asking me questions#hope everyone can tell i have a lot of feelings about my epilepsy despite not talking about it like ever ā¤ļø#the only thing that really bothers me is the no warning signs. ive been perfectly fine and had them. ive had massive migraines when i was#unmedicated and didnt have one. very bizarre#and ofc all my brain scans come back normal all the time so they dgaf Lol
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I still get scared when i remember kiryu is canonically quite lean and not a fatty at all
#Yakuza loveblog#i really think hes a little tubby and a little shorter#stop making japanese characters taller than 180 ....#you can pick one guy in your series to make that height but not more than tao#two#like there should be a ratio of guys over that height to guys who are normal (160-175 range)#and i say this a lot but i like the idea of kiryu simply being a guy who can dominate the room by presence alone#like he shouldnt be a huge guy he should be above average but being six feet is literally (thinks of a social justice buzzword) whitewashing#fucking haruka is taller than me thats not why im mad i just think that nobody looks at the average height of a country before making their#characters. wait im going to boot up y5 again and see harukas height in comparison to the rest of the people because kiryus always like a#head taller than everyone and while its funny to see him towering over date i think its wrong for him to do that#if anyone tries to argue with me im going to your house and killing myself#sorry i dont feel that strongly about this actually wait i am trying to downplay it im freaking out right now#okay between then and now im okay now but it still makes me so sad
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anyways guys I watched venom last night and have come to the conclusion that eem . gay sex .
#just blahs#damn .#i didnt post abt it last night besides just saying that i watched them bcs i was eepy#however .#it would have been less gay if they had nasty gay sex on screen#im thinking about them ok#and being so normal and average about it#i may be asexual . however .#venom movie
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got pretty sad hearing about the chuck news but then found & read the full dave meltzer quote, which was just him confirming that what excalibur said on tv was real/true with some examples of wrestlers that were told similar things and came back and one that didnt.
from how everyone was reacting i thought there were, like, additional developments that made the situation a lot more doomer. its the same situation ("not out of the question, but dont count on it").
though im glad that (according to fightful) thats hes been training to be a producer/coach lately. i hope his energy continues to be passed down
#talkzon#i get worked more from fans than wrestlers themselves. i hate this btw LMAO#must i restrain myself to looking at fans who only engage with statistics šim so impressionable#became The Amateur Medical Googler for a bit to assuage my woes and was like oh okay thats what he got going on. i see. i understand.#advancements in medical have made things less dire but nothing is certain. bones are crazy btw#going back to being normal and feeling normal and having a normal amount of average woe
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sometimesSoMETIMES i catch a a glimpse of a life i could lead that is so beautiful and vibrant and lovely itās THERE just beyond my grasp AAAAAAAHHHHHHH
#everything!!! in my life!!! is telling me i could be someone greater!! iām not exaggerating!!#every conversation i have every time i self reflect every time i read something really cool whether it be an academic article or a blog pos#is pointing me in this direction!!#iām scared!! iām terrified of everything!! what if i make it what if i donāt!!#what if iām not good enough what if i fail!! what if i am good enough and iāve been wasting my life!!!!!!#<- average 19 year old experience i think#has anyone seen the short film webtoon made of a comic contest winner a few years ago The Ladder#look around you!!! do you see anything else!!!!!! THE LADDER IS ALL THERE IS!!!!!!#yiu ever spend a whole evening talking to artists who are achieving their dreams and go holy shiiiiiit#does some fire within you awaken every time you so much as read about art#it is not impossible to live in a well!!!!!! but what if the fuckin g rope breaks!!!!!#everyone in my life would support me!!! itās all right there!!! IM GONNA CRYYYYYYYYY#im scared of being seen! of peoples judgment! of failure! RRRRAAAAGHHHHH#ok iām gonna be normal and go to bed sleep style now
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im being so normal rn. im being so normal
#about. dazai. to be clear#im being so regular and normal and average#NORMAL#RESISTING#RESISTING THE URGE#posting posting š
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hey read mores can be used for shit nobody wants to see i forgot
im acutely aware airing out my spirals is inappropriate at best but it's either that or i bottle up & stay at least mildly upset over nonsense forever. having a therapist (that i trust) would be nice but until then all i can do is walk through my own mental processes aloud to get normaler. & thankfully it does work. i do feel better when i publicly analyse myself & less upset at whatever caused the unwarranted negative emotions of the month. again sorry to everyone though.
#i know this isnt right. im sorry. i feel pretty normal now im lying down though so. gotta pick our battles#believe you me this is also not fun for me. on average the person im most upset with is myself. for ever being upset#not that i should be a doormat but if im upset in an actually reasonable manner its always months late#bc well i am a little bit of a doormat when i reaaaally shouldnt. this shit is dumb.#one day ill get good at standing up for myself. & being reasonable. until then well um. scared of what the future holds!#bro this december better be fucking fantastic the past two months have been beating my fucking ass
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shit might suck right now for me health and mentally wise BUT at least my doctor said that i should get vaccinated for the rona and flu so i get to do that for free now forever so at least thatās something
#i still havenāt recovered from the sickness my siblings inflicted on me#iāll be better for a day or two and then i donāt get so much sleep one night#because i havenāt gotten my sleeping pill prescription refilled yet#and then i wake up feeling like shit and full of phlegm#i know itās the same one because itās not like iām out here getting reinfected by anyone#and then my sleep shit snowballs from how late i wake up and how much longer everything takes when im sick#and the only thing that reminded me consistently to take my evening meds is broken#and i have to contact the provider that lent it to me and also i have to contact like seven others for various things#and some of them are easy to get ahold of and some are a nightmare and all is too much#needless to say iām āgoing throughā āitā as the kids say#AND school on top of that???#i feel bad for being so offline because i feel like im letting people down with the fundraiser stuff#but you can see why iām like.#iāll be back when i have my shit together enough that i wonāt lose my disability benefits next year#because thatās another fucking sword of damocles iām oscillating between trying not to think about and having debilitating anxiety over#and i have to apply but i need an updated study plan for that but the guy who is in charge of those#cancelled our appointment so i had to book another one which is a few days before a school related deadline#and iām probably going to be broke as hell beginning of next year anyway because the benefits renewal process takes on average 6 months ime#and it comes with backpay but i have a old ass senior dog. so thatās going to be fun juggling vet bills š#normally iād sprinkle this stuff a little here or there but i havenāt been online to do that do you get it all at once
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-__- having a normal one. dont even worry im being so normal lately and not psycho crazy (can reclaim btw hahahahahaha. ha...ha.) š«„
#we are reaching 1 year off ssris and i think my body has finally expelled it all and im doing so normal right.#(wasnt remotely normal before) guys im being so normal right? im just a normal average guy right ?
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While g3 is a lot better about including different body types, I feel like ppl are applauding the bare minimum just bc they made Draculaura's doll have a pear shaped ish body but like. Thats just an average body type?? Sorry but thats not far from the body type of our body and we are not considered fat. The rest of the characters are often simply at least a bit skinnier than whats actually average. I feel like Iris Clops and Tundra Bominable are probably the only humanoid body characters whose bodily types even diverge a bit from the norm?? And I feel like they made Clawdeen in the show (and practically every character ofher than Draculaura) very skinny compared to her live action counterpart.. It feels like media franchises want to be lauded for just having a doll and character with an AVERAGE body type and that being "body diversity" for them. Media in general makes it seem like average is "skinny but not so skinny that your bones show"
#impromptu rant and. Im not fat myself so sorry if Im speaking over fat people#but I have a gripe with ppl acting like including an average body type is so progressive#I feel it detracts from ACTUALLY including fat people in society and representing them in media#when shows are hailed for making a character have an average sized body#thats still basically not even fat#I know that the new drac doll helped some ppl w an ed#but. uh. the norm should not be made āskinny is average and this character whos a little bit bigger is body diversityā#like. Im sorry but all characters and dolls etc. shouldnt be on average made this skinny in the first place#it just promotes the false idea that the ānormalā body is very skinny#and I think it functions as āthinspoā without being intended that way#or maybe it is intended. you know how corporations are#g1 mh is even worse bc all of them are stick-thin#like. bro. what. very few ppl look like that wtf..and if they did you would see their bones it wouldnt#be like āaverage body but just thinner everywhereā it would be like bones poking out#bc thats how bodies look if they actually have that less fat and muscle !!#monster high g3#mh g3#mh g3 dolls#fatphobia in media
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wait whats the drinking age in konoha. like no way its 21 not with the way they treat kids. actually you know it might not be officially regulated at all. i bet theres some like cultural stuff about not drinking before you graduate the academy/reach age of majority (both valid ways to become an "adult") but nothing is probably stopping them except like maybe. parents. strokes chin.
#graduating academy at a normal age that is. average kids a grad at 12. but non-shinobi age of majority is 14. To Me.#so really. theres probably a cultural conception that you shouldnt drink before 12#regardless of academy (i cannot actually see minato being thrilled about baby kks getting drunk)#and then like in regards to civilians. drinking before theyre officially adults is culturally ok.#because theyre 12.#idk. its relevant ok im writing things
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sorry but i find it really hard to believe that ao3 was down because of some sudanese hate group that's mad about lgbt content. that Literally just sounds like something people who donate way too much money to ao3 would make up to convince themselves that theyre oppressed for reading incest fanfiction and that the ao3 staff are heroes who are immune to criticism
#ive also seen people blame it on ''''antis'''' (aka normal people) and the russian government. you are all so fucking stupid im sorry#why would ANY government of ANY country care enough about a fanfiction website to do this#i think youre severely overestimating the importance of ao3 and how much the average person cares about ao3#also wasnt it confirmed that whoever attacked the site wasnt actually from sudan. hello#what is it with ao3 users and accusing random countries of trying to destroy their precious fanfiction website#like didnt they also accuse some random chinese person who was running for a staff position of being a pro censorship psyop#i dont know all the details so maybe im misunderstanding but i feel like that was something that happened
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